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Hope's Blog

Thursday, March 22, 2007

I had not logged in for so long that Blogger had changed and I had to sign up again! My "new version" says I last published in December of 2006, but as far as I know, I have not posted anything since July of 2006. Hmm.

I am going to write about death again. Just so you know.

My cat, Emily, died at home last month. She had been getting weaker and weaker, but I don't think she felt any pain at the end. I hope not, anyway. I had been present at the moment of her birth, almost 19 years ago, and I was present at the moment of her death. I can not say that about anyone else. As my godmother says, it is a holy privilege.

I don't miss having a cat, necessarily, but I really miss Emily. We were used to each other.

My family and friends have been a huge comfort.

Last weekend I went to one of my local Humane Society places. I suspected that I was doing something a little unethical, but I was drawn there anyway. I knew I was not going to get a new cat. I just wanted to pat one, maybe snuggle one in my lap. It would not be fair for me to raise false hopes, but I really needed some domestic animal contact.

The place was a lot busier than I had imagined. The good news is that there were tons of people milling around, looking for pets, and three cats were boxed up to go home just while I was there.

The bad news was that it was not a "snuggle up and help Hope grieve" kind of atmosphere at all. There were small children running around, and lots of barking and other noise, and strong, strong smells. But I am still glad I went. It seemed like a well-run place, even with all the stress factors. I brought them some garbage bags from their online "wish list" and plan to make a monetary donation as well.

There was one cat who was middle-aged, very fat, grey-haired, ...and very beautiful. Affectionate but not super needy or aggressive.

Aagghh! I am not ready to get another cat! I want to replace my carpet, for one thing, so that my new cat doesn't smell where Emily couldn't help peeing at the end and think that she should pee there, too, in sympathy.

But I may need to go back to the Humane Society this weekend and see if that one cat is still there, and if she is as beautiful and likable as I remember her.

.: posted by Hope 2:21 PM